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A31Cefiro

Quick / Short joke thread

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WHERE WE COME FROM

 

A little girl asked her father: 'How did the human race appear?'

The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they

had children; and so was all mankind made.'

 

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.

The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys

from which the human race evolved.'

 

The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Dad,

how is it possible that you told me the human race was

created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'

 

The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple.

I told you about my side of the family, and your mother

told you about hers.'

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WARNING, QUITE LOW BROW AND RACIST, POSSIBLY BAD HUMOR TOO

 

 

 

An aboriginal woman is getting married the next day, it is an arranged marriage and the woman is virgin.

 

The night before the wedding, the girl asks 'What is going to happen on my wedding night mum?'

 

The mother answers 'Well you husband is going to put his most prized possession in to the place that you pee.'

 

So the daughter responds 'What, he's gonna put his thongs in the sink :huh: '

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WARNING, QUITE LOW BROW AND RACIST, POSSIBLY BAD HUMOR TOO

 

 

 

An aboriginal woman is getting married the next day, it is an arranged marriage and the woman is virgin.

 

The night before the wedding, the girl asks 'What is going to happen on my wedding night mum?'

 

The mother answers 'Well you husband is going to put his most prized possession in to the place that you pee.'

 

So the daughter responds 'What, he's gonna put his thongs in the sink :huh: '

 

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

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three gay men are sitting in a bathtub, and suddenly they see some sperm floating on the water.

 

one of the guys goes:

 

"who farted?"

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An elephant asks a camel "Why do you have boobs on your back?"

 

Camel replies "oh.. that's an interesting question coming from someone with a dick on his face"

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RACIST JOKE

 

 

An abo was hit by a truck and killed out the front of my house.

I thought "shit that could have been me"

but i cant drive a truck.

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RACIST JOKE

 

 

An abo was hit by a truck and killed out the front of my house.

I thought "shit that could have been me"

but i cant drive a truck.

 

I'm not racist.. but I lol'ed :lol:

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whats the different between a blonde and a shower?

 

 

a shower has to be turned on before its wet

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whats the different between a blonde and a shower?

 

 

a shower has to be turned on before its wet

:quagmire:

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what does a playstation and michael jackson have in common?

they are both made of plastic and kids turn them on.

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whats the different between a blonde and a shower?

 

 

a shower has to be turned on before its wet

 

BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA :lol:

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RACIST JOKE

 

 

An abo was hit by a truck and killed out the front of my house.

I thought "shit that could have been me"

but i cant drive a truck.

 

I'm not racist.. but I lol'ed :lol:

 

 

HAHAHA.

What's 3 things you can't give an abo.

1 - a fat lip

2 - a black eye

3 - a job

 

again, not a racist, but i had a giggle

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Guy says to his wife:

"What would you do if I won the lottery?"

Wife Replies:

"I'd take half and leave you!"

Guy says:

"Excellent! I had 3 & a sup….. won 10 bucks, here's 5, now f*ck off"

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A woman enters the bar, orders 2 scotches, skolls one, then pours the other over her crotch.

Orders another two, skolls one, pours the rest on her crotch.

After a third round, the intrigued barman asks what the idea is with her behaviour.

 

She replies, "I just won the lottery, and this is the only c..t I am sharing it with".

 

I know its old...

 

 

Michael Jackson turned to George Michael the other day.

 

"Swap ya a tenner for two fives"

 

 

 

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

 

Ones white, made of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with,

The other carries your shopping.

 

 

Sorry about the lameness...

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one I stumbled across, kinda bad though.

 

A serial killer kidnaps a little girl and brings her into some deep, dark woods.

 

The little girl says "Gee, it's dark and creepy here, I'm scared".

 

The killer replies "You're scared? Imagine how I feel, I gotta walk back to the car alone."

:ph34r:

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^^Can never get sick of MJ jokes

 

ok then,

 

 

Did you hear what they are going to do when MJ passes on?

 

Melt him down to make Coke Bottles

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As they nailed Jesus to the cross he looked down and said.

 

DONT TOUCH MY f**kING EASTER EGGS ILL BE BACK ON MONDAY!

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little girl is in the garden with her daddy when she asked 'daddy is that a mummy longlegs under that daddy longlegs' dad replied ' no sweetie theres no mummy longlegs'

 

so she stomped on them saying 'we'll have none of that f**king gay shit in our garden!'

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no racist intention^_^

 

"what do you get at a lebbo garage sale?"

"all your stuff back..."

Edited by iDRIFT

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it was my gf's birthday today......and last night i asked her 'what do you want for your birthday' she said 'something that goes from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds flat' so i went out and got her a set of scales

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it was my gf's birthday today......and last night i asked her 'what do you want for your birthday' she said 'something that goes from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds flat' so i went out and got her a set of scales

 

 

lol dead man walkin.

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Bad taste joke

 

Michael jackson, a pilot and 10 kids are in a plane. the plane has engine trouble and they have bail out. but there is only 2 paracutes. "What about the kids?" michael asks. "Screw them" says the pilot. "Will we have time?" Michael asks.

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ok hope no one minds the racist jokes but u gotta admit they make u laugh :P

 

 

a guy is driving his truck up the birdsville track and a carload of aboriginals comes the other way with no lights on.

 

he hits them and stops his truck to investigate.

 

after deciding they r dead he makes a big hole and buries them in it.

 

when he gets to birdsville he is feeling a little guilty, so he goes to the cop shop and tells the police officer.

 

the police officer asks "are you sure they were all dead?"

 

the guy replies "well some said they weren't but u kno what lying b***ards they r"

 

 

makes me lol anyways hehe

 

edit:

 

Q: what happens when an asian runs into a wall with a boner?

A: he breaks his nose

 

lol soz any asians but its funny :D

 

 

when your running you most likley have your feet crash the wall, not your boner cause your not doing a forward slide

 

 

who cares mate :P

 

384.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

chances are N20 is asian :lol:

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Michael Jackson's family are still undecided on what they will do with the body... bury it, cremate it or recycle it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

too soon? :blush:

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Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times,

then said 'oh f**k.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

 

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